SexPosFemme Journal

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Most Annoying Things to Say to Bisexual Women

(and some of these apply to bisexual men too)

Bisexuality As Half Truth

1. Are you really a lesbian, but you just don't want to hurt my feelings because you think I'm such a nice guy?

2. Are you really straight, but afraid to trust me just because I'm a guy?

3. Are you really straight, but you're just being nice to me because I'm a girl?

4. Are you really a lesbian, but afraid to trust women/don't want to be seen as gay?

5. What would you call yourself if there were no such thing?

6. Why don't you just say you're straight/gay?

Bisexuality as a Plan/Fulfillment of Someone Else's Plans

7. Were you "like that" your whole life?

8. Did you boyfriend/partner/husband talk you "into it"?

9. Why don't you just get a boyfriend?

10. Are you "doing this" just because you think guys like "that"?

11. Don't let some girl "lure" you into "doing that".

12. Are you "in it" just for sex?

13. "Trying" to increase your chances of getting a date?

14. Why do you want "it" "both ways"?

15. Are you really that desperate for sex/love/attention?

16. Do you think maybe you've been brainwashed by society/media into liking girls/guys?

Bisexuals as More Sexual than Others (not that it should matter if you are more sexual than others, if that's actually true about you as an individual)

17. Why don't you just stop thinking about girls/guys?

18. Is that all you ever think about?

19. Why do you have to "go around announcing" it?

20. Oh you mean like trysexual as in you'll "try anything" sexual?

21. Are you coming on to me?

22. It's like you have no standards.

23. (If you're a "virgin" to guy/girls) Then how do you know you're bisexual?

24. (If you're in a relationship or celibate) Then how are you still bisexual?

Bisexuality as an Escapist/Reactive Realm and Trauma/Fear-Based Realm

25. (see #1-4)

26. Do you just feel safer around women?

27. I bet you think all girls are nice don't you?

28. Were you abused as a child? Is that what this is all about? ('Vagina Monologues', thanks a lot)

29. Don't you know the gay/bi/straight community aren't perfect either?

30. Why don't you heal/love yourself/get over yourself?

31. Will you "marry straight" when all "this" is "over"?

Wednesday, July 27, 2005

Miss Universe Against the Law in Toronto

Miss Universe Against Law
"CANADIAN Miss Universe Natalie Glebova was forced to take off her official sash at a local festival celebrating Thailand when Toronto authorities invoked a law against sexual stereotyping.

The winner of the international beauty competition held in Bangkok in May, Glebova was to open the festival last weekend sporting her official beauty queen's regalia. However, city employees invoked a regulation against activities which degrade men and women through sexual stereotypes or exploit their bodies to attract attention.",10117,15990178-13762,00.html

Toronto, a capital where public toplessness is legal, is also one of the hubs for legal sex prostitution. But pageant queens in sashes and tiaras are banned. From a US perspective, it seems hypocritical. Unless the lines are drawn on image. The problem they have isn't sexuality itself but sexual image versus natural sexual expression. Only, how do they define what's an stereotypical image and what's more natural? Would they check to see if the publicly topless girl had breast implants? Would it matter if she were also pageant queen? Or if Miss Universe were a transman?

In the US, we have it even more backwards. Here, beauty pageants are as old hat as debutant balls and bridal showers. But imagine what would happen to a participant who was either seen topless or had done sex work in Toronto. She's as good as dead. So pageant queen, good, porn star, toast. But are most acceptable of such sexual displays, then why have major networks now pulled the plug on Miss America pageants based on lack of sex appeal? Because they don't know whether they're coming or going, and we don't know when we should. In American society, the problem isn't even image versus reality, much less legality. Instead it's just the narrow, constantly shifting degree of sexuality--just as arbitrary, if not moreso. Image isn't at odds with reality. Image lords over it like a militant vanguard. So you not only are you not supposed be sexual, but you're supposed to imagine you are, and figure you would be if you were on TV. Naturally, that would mean you had a packaged look and persona, were white, straight, and preferably Christian, were goaded on by producers, and had embarassingly knawing insecurities surrounding your looks. Then you'd be en vogue.

In either society, it doesn't matter if the person is championing important social causes like AIDS awareness, it just matters if they seem somehow annoying. It's as though not feeling offended is the antivirus. In Toronto, the face of AIDS has to be your average "unstereotypically sexual" joe. That's at least proportionally more people. Here, worse again, the face of AIDS has be a pageant queen or a crisp politician. If a random citizen goes into depth about AIDS beyond, "AIDS, how awful", then it means she's probably some dirtbag surrounded by bunch of other dirtbags. In either situation she can't be some "anybody" who just does.

Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Review of Greta Christina's "Bending"

"She loved being bent over." In a sense, she loved being read over (she being the Novella), spread open, exposed for all the world to see, flap-flipped, probed, fingered, jammed with a foreign object to mark placement, and slammed tightly shut, only to be revisited again and again. In a sense, you loved being bent over (you being the reader), lured into the escapades, made to wait in anticipation of the next sexual idea that arises, and won over more than you dared imagine.

"Bending" is about a girl named Dallas who has a consuming obsession with both sex and one particular sexual position, being bent over. All of her fantasies involve this one position and in all of her sexual relationships she mandates this over anything else. No matter how often or consistently she indulges this obsession, she never feels a sense of completion or "enoughness". So she decides to overindulge herself in activities that revolve around bending in the hopes that she will finally feel satisfied and enjoy it without feeling beholden to it. "Bending" follows a core literary theme of obsession that is present in such great works as "Xenocide" and "Go Tell It On The Mountain," but explores it rather than just establishing it as problematic. The looming narrative question is, what happens when you get exactly what you've been craving all along? Is obsession or satisfaction the true spice of life? The answers culminate in a truly mind-bending, thought-provoking way. Greta Christina's talks more about her latest novella and presents an excerpt here:

Don't let her modesty fool you. Most accomplished, polished writers can create composite characters that are distinct from their own ideals but very few can create full characters that are step outside of every social status quo in various ways, challenge them, cater to them, and undermine them in the process, while still keeping the characters understandably human on enough levels. Prepare to get bent.

Tuesday, July 19, 2005


To the tune of "Toxicity" by System of a Down

Conversion, soft "fair" virgin, heaven-sent pro,
Looking at life through the eyes of a tired club,
Feeding needs as a past time activity,
The virginity of our city, of our city,

Prude, what do you own the world?
How do you own disorder, disorder,
Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
Sacred silence and deed,
Somewhere, between abrasive violence and creed,
Disorder, disorder, disorder.

More wood for their criers, loud neighbors,
Flashlight reveries caught in the headlights of a suck,
Screaming pleased as a past time activity,
The virility of our clitty, of our clitty,

Dude, what do you own the girl?
How do you own disorder, disorder,
Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
Sacred silence and deed,
Somewhere, between a rapist's violence and creed,
Disorder, disorder, disorder.
Prude, what do you own the girl?
How do you own disorder, disorder,
Now, somewhere between the sacred silence,
Sacred silence and deed,
Somewhere, between abrasive violence and creed,
Disorder, disorder, disorder.

When I became the sun, I shone life into the man's hearts,
When I because the sun, I shone life into the land's Art!

Monday, July 18, 2005

Composite and Typecast Bisexuality

"I'm sure a lot of bisexual do get turned on by (for instance) intelligence and assertiveness and big dark brown eyes, regarless of whether they find those qualities in women and men. But I'm beginning to smell the presence of a party line, and I don't like it. I see men and women as being pretty goddamn different" -Greta Christina.

I was starting to think I was the only one who noticed this. In a lot of bisexual work, speakers emphasize their relationships to people as 'composite wholes', where gender is a trivial afterthought, like love-handles. This stance threatens to put bisexuals in two distinct camps: composite bisexuals and typecast bisexuals. And it also doesn't bode well for bisexuals who lean towards either males or females in general. Despite what internalized biphobia would have us believe, bisexuality is nowhere near that poetic or artistic. Bisexuals would have to live on another planet to be fully blind to the existence of gender. For example, the average height for women is 5'5" and average height for men is 5'10". What bisexual can't tell that women are usually smaller people? I find it inconceivable that you could describe someone to me as 5'1", long-haired, curvy and I would have no concern that this particular person also happens to be a man.

Bisexuality in some ways is like interracial dating. Of the people who date both inside and outside their races, do we never notice a person's race, or conceive of people as colorness, composite souls? No. Sure there are women who like the all-American prepster in any color or cherish a "meeting of the minds" regardless of race. But these same women may prefer baldness on black men and not on white men. So we obviously see something. It's common sense that despite characterizations, big pictures will come into play, and that individuals are more multidimensional than our tastes will ever allow. But the only time interracial daters harp on race as a 100% non-issue is when they've had to deal with accusations of race as the sole issue. The underlying theme to every "We Are the World" singalong is clear: we promise we're not total jackasses. Straight, gay, bi, pan, what have you, a whole group of people aren't all either composite or type-cast thinkers. Gender for bis both doesn't matter and does matter. It's as simple and bifoward as that.

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Disinformation Guides

I was browsing Russ Kick's Disinformation Guides on Amazon, which include Everything You Know Is Wrong, You Are Being Lied To, The Book of Lists, and 50 Things You Aren't Supposed to Know. So far, I own a copy of the first one. The best article has to be Wendy Elroy's "Prostitution", that sharply puts the mainstream view of prostitutes as pitiable and simultaneously abhorrent to rest. Note to all whores and renegades: if the same people who "feel your pain" are the ones casting dispersions on you, they probably don't have your best interests in mind. The statistic that 5-20% of all prostitutes are streetwalkers crumbles the image of the streetwalker as the poster-child for prostitution, when a whopping 80% (or more) do in fact "walk the streets", but only if they're being pedestrians. How, when there are always several branches to every profession, could the world's OLDEST one, at least in legal form, not be just as complex? Conflating prostitutes with streetwalkers is like calling all lawyers paralegals, all PhD's sleep-deprived med school interns, all educators poor inner-city schoolteachers. Why, with these sorts of statistics do people continue to hold the stereotypical abused druggie as the model for prostitution and see the pimp as the burly cane-toting crimelord? Yeah they're out there, just like there are paralegals and inner-city schoolteachers, but the least you can take from this is that nothing is monolithic, that Hollywood is off in the western hills for a reason, and that there's no such thing as a "perfect" or "perfectly bad" experience. And yet the blanketing continues and helps exactly no one. So do people fear that without such extreme stereotypes, they'll have no other reason not to consider prostitution themselves? Are they afraid, as with all ethnic conflicts, that not participating in scapegoating will implicate them and put them on the social chopping block? Or is just a case of plain, honest misinformation?

Looking at these articles made me wonder what sorts of disinformation articles I would write. An obvious one would be oft-visited myths, good and bad, about stripping--good ones being that strippers make thousands of dollars a night and look "perfect", bad, that strippers are all coked out and have bloodhounds for managers. Other good ones to consider would "Abstinent Immunodifficiency Sydrome" about why the good Christian wife is the new face of AIDS (because they aren't abstinent and because they are abstinent), and "The Only Untrue Bi is the Binary".


Green Day "Minority"

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

I pledge allegiance, to the underworld
One nation under dog
There of which I stand alone
A face in the crowd
Unsung against the mold
Without a doubt, singled out
The only way I know

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

Stepped out of the line
Like a sheep runs from the herd
Marching out of time
To my own beat now
The only way I know

One light, one mind
Flashing in the dark
Blinded by the silence of a thousand broken hearts
"For crying out loud", she screamed unto me
A free for all, fuck 'em all
You are your own sight

I want to be the minority
I don't need your authority
Down with the moral majority
'Cause I want to be the minority

Saturday, July 16, 2005

Eric Albert's "Charmed I'm Sure"

"Avrat taldor"could become some household phrase you say to your wingman when you're at the bar and you spot your next victim. They're the words that the protagonist must use so his newly acquired sexual powers over others--and by others I mean everyone and anyone--can take root. Of course musing on how pleasant it would be to have that kind of sexual control, access, and opportunity would suffice as erotic adventure, but it's by far the only hypothesis that unravels. In all the slick sensuality, raw physicality, and relentless humor, there remain newer, deeper philosophical territories that make the narrative richer for the digging. I trusted the author's craft from the start, so I knew the plot wouldn't fizzle out into 'the evil temptress- poor exploited hero' dynamic or become an archaic warning about what you get when you trust a female. The story does beckon to some fairytale genre conventions including a witch and a stone, but uses these conventions in a fresh, upbeat way. In effect, Albert becomes the sorcerer, you, the protagonist, the book, your stone, the words, your presented spell, your unleashed sexual thirst, the ensuing outcome, a formula that will leave you, as it did me, "Charmed, I'm Sure".

Friday, July 15, 2005

Review of a Greta Christina's "Are We Having Sex Now or What?"

When I return to school in the fall, I hope to teach a class and Greta Christina's "Are We Having Sex Now or What?" would be at the top of the reading list. Re-evaluating the sexual status quo, challenging the mixed message of Do It/No Save It that stems from the traditional view of sex as THE BIG IT, this coming of age biography is the fruit of sex-positive feminism. Because of the mainstream frame of reference regarding sex as vaginal penetration, people hear the phrase "sex-positive feminism" and conflate it with things that have nothing to do with it, usually, that it forces girls to engage in vaginal sex as soon and as often as possible, without having masturbated. Hence people attribute it to any mainstream pop-culture convention that reads Sex with a capital S, like the self-effacing Cosmo Magazine with it's 100% focus on "boyfriend's dick" or Samantha from Sex and The City, with her pushy "get with the program" sex as an agenda. Just the other day, I was talking with a wave-two Feminist, someone who helped coin the term "feminist" during the 60s mind you, and when I dropped the names Susie Bright and Betty Dodson, she said "they're telling girls to have casual sex with men and I'm sorry, but that just won't make you happy. Women are built differently. They're more emotional than men." Oh please. I said "first of all none of these women are even straight" at which point she jumped to the second most popular conclusion, saying, "now wait a second, what do you mean not straight? This is worse than I thought." "Thought" is right. This other popular misconception is that sex-positive feminism is about forcing girls to cast IT out entirely in favor of some inorganic escapist brand of lesbianism. It's no wonder I hear lesbians complaining about patronizing assumptions that they "just haven't met the right guy yet" (rather than the "off-chance" that they happen to be telling the truth), because the viewpoint makes women reactive vessels rather than proactive vehicles. So whether on one-side or the other of the mythical gay/straight binary, the wave-twoer's whole relationship to sex centered around IT. Had I read this sooner, I would have pointed it out to her. Instead I told her that it's about creating a distinct, decentralized frame of reference, encompassing any and all healthy, safe, consenting forms of sexual expression. For me personally, the big IT is the big CLIT. But that's not the point. What matters is the last phrase of the essay's title, "What...."